Finding Hope When You Feel Like You've Gone Off the Deep End

Sometimes, the hardest part of the journey isn't the call, or the initial baptismal conversation. Sometimes, the steepest learning curve comes *after* you think you've arrived at the destination. It’s when the dust settles, when the initial rush of purpose fades, and you're left staring at the wreckage of who you thought you were.

If you’re reading this right now, and you feel like you’ve "gone off the deep end"—whether that’s post-mission, post-calling, or just post-Sunday—know that you are not alone. We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt the weight of expectation, the struggle with identity, and the deep ache of feeling purposeless.

Recently, I had the privilege of watching Talmage speak on Saints Unscripted. His story was nothing short of profound. He spoke openly about struggling with pornography and addiction after his mission. He described a time when he genuinely didn't like himself, when his sense of self and his understanding of God felt completely fractured.

What struck me, as always, was the source of his recovery. It wasn't a single epiphany or a perfect plan. It was the persistent, unwavering love of the people around him. It was his family, his friends, and the community that refused to let him stay in the darkness.

The Unshakeable Power of Love

It’s a powerful reminder for all of us who are striving to be more Christlike. We often think that spiritual progress is a solo endeavor—that we have to figure it out through sheer willpower or through deep study of the scriptures alone. But Talmage’s testimony showed me that healing, true healing, is inherently communal. It requires us to accept the help offered, even when it stings our ego.

He mentioned that hearing people say, "Your life is completely a mess," is a huge blow to the ego. It’s uncomfortable. It forces you to confront the fact that you are imperfect, just like every single one of us in the Rogue Disciples movement. But in that discomfort, the Savior’s grace steps in, and that grace is always wrapped in the love of others.

From Struggle to Sharing the Light

What did he do with that raw experience? He channeled it. He started podcasting. He took the struggle—the thing that made him feel least worthy—and turned it into a platform to help others. He found that his greatest source of light wasn't his own perfection, but his willingness to share the messy, imperfect journey.

This is the heart of what it means to be an internet missionary today. We don't need to wait until we are polished, perfect, or settled into our calling. We can be disciples *right here*, right now, using the tools at our fingertips. Our testimonies are not meant to be pristine; they are meant to be honest. They are meant to point people toward the Savior.

If you are a returned missionary, or even someone who has never served a mission, and you are wrestling with that post-mission drift—that feeling of 'What now?'—I want you to take heart. Your story, your struggle, and your eventual return to the light *is* the message. It’s the most compelling form of preach my gospel available.

A Bite-Sized Skill for Today: Embracing the "Messy" Testimony

When you feel the urge to polish your testimony until it shines like polished brass, I want you to pause. Instead, try framing a recent struggle—a time you felt inadequate, confused, or like you failed—and how the Spirit guided you through it. Don't gloss over the difficulty; name it. Naming it is the first step toward conquering it, and it’s incredibly relatable for an investigator.

Remember that every member can be a disciple anywhere, all the time. Whether you’re in a Book Club studying the Book of Mormon or just scrolling through your feed, let your vulnerability be your greatest strength.

Where to Go Next

If Talmage’s openness resonated with you, I highly recommend checking out the resources available through the Iron Rod authors. For those interested in deep dives into personal testimony and overcoming spiritual hurdles, I suggest looking into the latest material available in LivingBook. It’s a wonderful place for continued study.

For those who want to keep the momentum going, join us for our weekly Disciple Challenge! It’s a low-stakes, high-reward way to practice sharing our light with one another. Check the link in the comments for details.