Shifting the Lens: From 'How Far?' to 'How to Heaven?'

Sometimes, when we are deep in the process of building relationships—whether it's with a friend, a potential companion, or even a family member—a question creeps in, doesn't it? A whisper that asks, “How far is too far?”

If that question is echoing in your heart right now, I want to pause you. Because I’ve learned, through the good grace of the Spirit and the hard lessons of the field, that asking “How far is too far?” is actually asking the wrong question entirely.

It’s a question rooted in self-preservation or personal satisfaction, and while those feelings are real, they are not the lens through which we are meant to view the Master’s plan. Instead, I want to share a shift in perspective that has changed everything for me: Instead of asking, “How far can I go with this person?” we must ask, “How can I help this person get to heaven?”

This isn't just some feel-good platitude for a Sunday talk. This is the core of being a disciple, whether you are in the MTC, serving a mission, or right here in your own home as an internet missionary. It requires us to see every soul—our friends, our parents, our future companions—as a person to be loved, not an object to be used for our own physical or emotional gratification.

I remember learning this lesson while serving far from home. I was tempted by beauty, by connection, by the sheer magnetism of a person. But I had to stop and consciously redirect my focus. I had to train my heart to see that person through the eyes of Christ—as a beloved child of Heavenly Father. It’s a constant process of repointing our gaze.

The principles are beautifully clear, and I want to share a couple of guidelines that have helped me keep my focus pure:

• The Daylight Test: If you wouldn't be comfortable doing something in broad daylight, standing right in front of your grandmother or the Pope, then you probably shouldn't do it at all. If you have to hide it, if you feel the need to go into the dark, it’s a flashing sign that your actions are coming from use, not love.
• Affection vs. Arousal: There is a beautiful, critical distinction between genuine affection and mere arousal. Affection—a hand-hold, a hug, a shared laugh—these are wonderful, natural expressions of care that can happen in the open. Arousal, however, is the siren call that pulls us away from the Savior’s path and is reserved for the sacred covenant of marriage.

This mindset shift is crucial for all of us who are called to be disciples anywhere, all the time. It’s about selflessness being the cornerstone of wholesome relationships.

If this concept of changing our lens resonates with you, I encourage you to dig deeper. For those of us who are studying scripture together, check out the Book Club options in HolyPlaces. If you’re wrestling with the finer points of distinguishing love from use, I highly recommend running through a scenario with Davee. He’s excellent at walking through the hard questions an investigator might ask!

Remember, we are all on this journey together. Let’s keep lifting each other up and always ask that sacred question: How can I help this person get to heaven?

For more deep dives into gospel principles, I always recommend checking out the latest insights from the Iron Rod authors available in LivingBook.