Spotting the Red Flags: Guarding Your Heart and Your Relationships

Brother, Sister, friend—have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when a relationship feels *off*? Not dramatic enough for a crisis, not bad enough to call quits, but just… wrong? It’s like a slow leak in the foundation of something you thought was solid.

We all want that enduring, Christlike love, the kind that mirrors the Savior’s perfect example. We read the scriptures, we attend the talks, we study the covenants, and we feel closer to the Spirit. But sometimes, the hardest work isn't in the temple or in the chapel; it's in the quiet, daily maintenance of our closest bonds.

Recently, I was pondering a talk that used the dramatic example of Ahab and Jezebel. It was a stark warning about how subtle compromises—the slow drift away from the light—can unravel a whole life, a whole nation, in the name of something less than the truth. And while we aren't building kingdoms, the principles of spiritual stewardship apply to our hearts and our relationships just as much.

It struck me: the warning signs in our relationships—whether romantic, familial, or even in our discipleship journey—are often the things we are too busy, too comfortable, or too hopeful to see.

The Warning Signs: Control vs. Passivity

The talk highlighted two dangerous dynamics: the controlling spirit that seeks to dominate, and the passive spirit that refuses to engage. In the context of the Lord's covenant path, these dynamics echo deeper spiritual struggles. Control, whether exerted by others or by our own fear, seeks to dictate belief and action. Passivity, conversely, isn't just inaction; it can be a willful refusal to engage with the Spirit or to take personal responsibility before the Lord.

As we strive to be more Christlike—to be willing to speak the truth in love, to serve without being manipulated, and to act with agency—we must learn to recognize these patterns. We must ask ourselves: Am I allowing a controlling narrative (from culture, from fear, from another person) to dictate my relationship with the gospel? Am I being too passive in my own commitment to the work?

This isn't about finger-pointing; it’s about self-diagnosis, the kind of honest inventory we do when we study the scriptures or when we sit down for a deep missionary discussion. We need to look for the subtle compromises.

A Disciple's Skill: Recognizing Compromise

When we think about missionary preparation, we are constantly taught to be prepared to share the gospel clearly. But what about being prepared to *discern*? Being an internet missionary means being a spiritual detective in your own life and in the lives of those around you.

Here’s a small skill I’ve been focusing on lately: When you feel a strong pull toward a belief or action that feels slightly *too* easy, or slightly *too* convenient, pause. Ask: "Does this align with what I know to be true of the restored gospel, and does it help me draw closer to the Savior?" That pause is where the Spirit speaks loudest.

The Lord doesn't ask for perfection; He asks for diligence and a willingness to learn. If you're feeling adrift in any area—your personal life, your calling, or your understanding of the restored gospel—remember that no matter your current status, the Lord loves you right where you are. He has something special for you.

If you want to deepen your understanding of how to apply these principles to your own life, I highly recommend diving into the Iron Rod. It’s filled with counsel on drawing closer to the Spirit.

If this message resonated with you, I encourage you to join a Book Club or a Bible Study Group in HolyPlaces this week. Let's take these lessons and discuss them together!

With love and anticipation for what the Spirit will teach us next,

Your Brother in the Work