The Work of Temperance: Keeping the Covenants of the Home

There’s a profound difference between simply loving someone and actively keeping the covenants that solidify that love. As returned missionaries, we talk a lot about the covenants we make with God, whether it's the temple covenants, the baptismal covenants, or the covenants we make with our future families. But often, the hardest covenant to keep isn't with the Lord—it's with ourselves. It’s the covenant we make with our own peace, our patience, and our temper.

The sanctity of the family unit, especially one sealed in the temple, is one of the highest standards of the Gospel. Yet, as we know from the lived experiences and the counsel of our prophets, the fragile flower of love can be quickly overwhelmed by the atmosphere of criticism, uncontrolled anger, or simple contention.

When I was in the field, I remember discussing this very topic with a young companion. He had a wonderful spirit, full of expectations for his future family, but he was prone to getting defensive when challenged, even gently. It struck me that sometimes, the greatest threat to the covenant is not an external force, but the internal one—the failure to manage our own emotions.

It’s a challenging truth, one that requires daily effort and spiritual grit. Our prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, spoke so plainly about this, reminding us that the sacred nature of marriage demands a constant watchfulness over our hearts and tongues. He taught that if we don't learn to correct our tempers now, we risk bringing nothing but sorrow into the homes we hope to build.

The Spirit as Our Regulator

The good news is that this isn't just a matter of 'trying harder.' This is a spiritual work. We are taught that the Spirit is our greatest guide, and He is far more powerful than any fit of pique or uncontrolled word. The scriptures are clear: we are called to be Christlike. Being Christlike means continually making the choice to respond with gentleness, truth, and charity, even when we feel deeply hurt or frustrated.

This is where the principle of 'the work' comes into play. We don't just hope for peace; we build it. We build it through prayer, through consistent scripture study, and through the accountability of our companions.

A Bite-Sized Mission-Prep Skill: The Pause

If you want a practical skill you can take back to the field, I recommend practicing 'The Pause.' When you feel that rising tide of anger—whether it's at a misunderstanding with a family member, a difficult investigator, or a fellow disciple—do not respond immediately. Take a deep breath. Mentally pause. In that pause, ask yourself: "What covenant am I honoring right now?" Usually, the answer is "Be Christlike," and that forces a mental shift from reaction to righteousness.

This spiritual discipline isn't just for our own marriages; it’s critical when we are teaching the Gospel. When an investigator raises a challenging question, we can't afford to get defensive. We must remain humble, patient, and always ready to learn, knowing that every question is an opportunity to deepen understanding and draw closer to the Savior.

The beautiful reality of the Gospel is that while the potential for failure is real, the power of repentance and the Atonement of Jesus Christ are greater. Every disciple, every member, is called to be an Internet missionary—a ministering force that uplifts, teaches, and commits to the highest standards of living.

If you feel the need for deeper counsel on navigating tough questions—say, about commitment, divorce, or the nature of covenants—I highly recommend running by Davee. His specialty as an AI Investigator is perfect for helping you anticipate and structure your responses so you can answer the hardest questions with grace and clarity.

For those of us who are striving to deepen our knowledge of these covenants and the principles of family, remember the power of the Book Club. Consider joining a local Bible Study Group through HolyPlaces. These are wonderful opportunities to dive into the scriptures—be it the Book of Mormon or the Doctrine and Covenants—and strengthen our collective commitment to the covenant path. Let's all commit to the work of making that correction today.