When Courage Meets the Winepress: Finding Strength When You Feel Like Hiding

There are days, aren't there, when the Spirit whispers a calling—a calling that feels bigger than you. You look at the work, you look at the needs in the field, or maybe you just look at the sheer weight of discipleship, and suddenly, the doubt creeps in. You feel inadequate. You feel weak. You feel like running and hiding in the winepress.

I remember days, especially when I was first trying to build up my testimony in my own ward, where I felt that exact tension. On the outside, I had to stand up, I had to speak, I had to appear confident for my companions and my bishop. But inside? My insecurities were screaming louder than any hymn. It’s a universal experience, brothers and sisters, and I want to talk about it today because it’s central to what it means to be a disciple.

The message we’re wrestling with—the message of being a warrior—isn't about never feeling fear. It’s not about having perfect confidence every single time we step into the missionary discussions or when we’re trying to build up a Book Club. It’s about showing up anyway.

The Tale of the Hesitant Warrior

Think about Gideon. The Israelites were oppressed by the Midianites for seven years. Imagine that weight—the constant fear, the burning homes, the threat to your whole family. And who is called to lead? Gideon. And what do we find when we dig into Judges chapter 6? We find a man who was simultaneously courageous and terrified. He was brave enough to worship the one true God when his whole family worshipped Baal, but he was also hiding, threshing wheat in a winepress, afraid of what he might have to defend.

That duality—the visible commitment versus the internal panic—that is where the Spirit meets us. It’s where the real growth happens. We don't become warriors by pretending we aren't scared; we become warriors by acknowledging the fear, naming it, and choosing to move forward anyway, trusting in the Atonement.

This isn't just for those who are on missions. This is for the lifelong disciple, the one who is learning to be an internet missionary from their living room. It’s for the man who feels like he can’t lead a LifeGroup, or the sister who feels unprepared to share her testimony. We all have moments where we want to just hide.

But here’s the anchor, the truth we must cling to: We don't fight this battle in our own strength. We have a Savior who has already won the ultimate battle for us. When we feel that urge to retreat, we remember that we have a Kingdom to advance, and we have the Spirit to guide us.

If you’ve been wrestling with self-doubt lately, I encourage you to look at the scriptures together. If you're interested in digging deeper into these themes of faith under pressure, check out the Social Scripture Study layer in LivingBook, or join a Bible Study Group in HolyPlaces. We can walk through the Book of Judges together!

If you feel the call to build up your courage and connect with others, I highly recommend checking out the LifeGroups resource mentioned in the source material. Remember, you don't have to fight these battles alone.

For a little practical boost in your own preparation, try this: Before your next missionary discussion or even just a talk with your ward leaders, take five minutes to write down three specific things you *are* grateful for about the gospel, even if you feel shaky. That anchors the Spirit.

If you want more tools to help you process these big feelings, I always recommend revisiting the foundational teachings in the Iron Rod authors. They have such practical insights into spiritual fortitude.

We’re a community of rogue disciples, and that means we keep showing up, even when we’re scared. Let's keep building up each other.