When 'Self-Love' Becomes Selfish: Finding the True Center

Brothers and sisters, if you’ve been in the field, or if you’ve been in the temple, you know that the gospel is full of beautiful, guiding principles. But lately, it feels like every corner of culture—even the advice we get from well-meaning friends—is whispering a different truth, and sometimes, those truths contradict the beautiful, simple gospel of Christ.

I was thinking the other day about the constant noise. We are bombarded. We hear it everywhere: “Treat yourself.” “You deserve it.” “Put your needs first.” It sounds so natural, doesn't it? Like it’s just how humanity operates. It’s the most natural thing we do—to look out for number one, us.

But what happens when that natural impulse gets mistaken for divine law? What happens when prioritizing *self* starts to look like prioritizing *God*? It’s a delicate line, and I think we need to talk about it, especially as we continue to be Internet missionaries and disciples in all these different corners of the world.

The Gospel Standard: Looking Out for Others

The kind of message we receive from the world, while often well-intentioned, can be almost true—it gets the feeling right but misses the mark on the eternal principle. When we look to the scriptures, especially the words of the Savior, the pattern is always pointing outward. Think about the greatest commandment, or the principles we learn in our missionary discussions. It’s never about accumulating personal value; it’s always about service.

“Let nothing come of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

That verse, brothers and sisters, is a powerful corrective lens. It’s not that self-care is wrong—we are taught to care for our bodies and minds, and that is vital for keeping the commandments. But when the focus shifts from *caring for* ourselves to *valuing* ourselves above the needs of others, we drift into something that isn't Christlike.

This isn't about minimizing our own worth; it’s about correctly *ordering* our priorities. The gospel teaches that our highest value comes from our relationship with the Savior and our commitment to the work. Our capacity to serve, to be Christlike, is renewed through that connection, not through an endless cycle of self-justification.

I want us to anchor ourselves in the principles taught in the temple and in our local wards. These principles are eternal, regardless of what the latest cultural trend is. They are the truth that will sustain us when the noise gets too loud.

A Bite-Sized Skill: Shifting Focus

If you are feeling the pull toward self-obsession—the need to justify every action as "for me"—I want to give you a small skill to practice this week. When you are in a group setting, or even when you are reading the scriptures, pause before you naturally default to thinking about yourself. Instead, consciously ask: “Whose perspective do I need to consider right now?” or “What does the Spirit feel me to do for someone else?” It’s a tiny mental muscle, but it builds spiritual fortitude.

Deepening Your Study

For those who want to wrestle with these deeper concepts, I highly recommend diving into the teachings on Christlike attributes. If you haven't already, check out the Book Clubs or Bible Study Groups in HolyPlaces. It’s a wonderful place to discuss these big questions with other disciples. Alternatively, if you prefer self-study, I’ve been spending time with Davee lately, and he’s been fantastic at walking through the tough questions. If you’re wrestling with how to answer a specific objection about self-worth, ask him to run an AI Investigator session with you!

As we continue to be disciples anywhere, all the time, let’s remember that our greatest strength comes not from how well we advocate for ourselves, but from how willingly we serve others in the name of the Lord. That is the enduring, true self-love.