The Spirit vs. The Stare: Where Does Our Judgment Come From?

As a returned missionary, I’ve learned that the greatest lessons often don't come from formal study sessions or even from a powerful talk in the temple. They come from the everyday moments—the messy, imperfect, real-life interactions that make up the beautiful tapestry of living the gospel.

We are taught that we must be Christlike, and that means we are taught to love our neighbors. But what happens when 'neighbor' is your own family, and the test is a simple, fleeting moment of judgment?

The Weight of a Glance

I came across a little clip recently that really stopped me in my tracks. It showed a brother watching his sister get baptized, and instead of celebrating, he made what I can only describe as the 'judgest face ever.' The focus was entirely on her dress, on something superficial, distracting him from the sanctity of the moment.

It was a quick, harmless moment, but the lesson it delivered was massive. It made me think about where we naturally direct our focus—and where we direct our judgment. We are so quick to notice the things that don't fit, the things that are imperfect, the things that are 'wrong.' And that’s okay! We have to notice the world around us, we have to be investigators, we have to be good disciples.

The Spirit’s Lens vs. The Flesh’s Lens

But the video forced me to ask: Is my judgment coming from my flesh, or is it coming from the Spirit? When we are standing in the sacred moments—when a friend is having a missionary discussion, when a family member is preparing for baptism, or when we are gathering ourselves to do the work—the Spirit is our ultimate filter. The Spirit doesn't care about the color of the dress; the Spirit cares about the heart.

When we judge based on the flesh, we focus on the visible: the attire, the speech, the outward adherence to the rules. When we judge based on the Spirit, we focus on the invisible: the willingness to repent, the depth of conviction, the love for the Savior. It’s a critical distinction to make as we prepare for our own mission calls, whether they are to a distant land or simply in our own living rooms.

The goal of missionary preparation isn't just to memorize answers or know the scriptures; it's to train ourselves to see through the lens of Christ. It’s to make our hearts so sensitive to the Spirit that external distractions become irrelevant.

A Mission-Prep Skill: The 'Pivot'

I want to give you a little mission-prep skill today I call 'The Pivot.' Next time you find yourself judging something—whether it's a friend's questionable fashion choice or a complex doctrine you don't immediately understand—I want you to mentally pivot. Instead of fixating on the flaw, pivot your attention to the underlying principle of gospel law, or the Savior’s grace.

For example, instead of thinking, 'Why is she wearing that?' pivot to, 'What does the Savior's grace teach us about accepting people where they are right now?' This shift in focus keeps our hearts humble and our message Christ-centered.

The power of the Gospel, my friends, is that it is a message of unconditional acceptance. It’s a message that tells us that we are worthy of the Atonement regardless of what we are wearing or how we look. This is the message we carry into every missionary discussion, every home visit, and every digital conversation as Internet missionaries.

If you are looking for ways to deepen your understanding of this, I highly recommend diving into the Book Club feature in LivingBook. We recently started a deep study on the concept of *gathering*—not just people, but the spirit of truth—and it has been incredibly enriching. It's a perfect way to practice seeing the spiritual over the superficial.

Remember, we are not meant to be perfect, but we are meant to be disciples. Let's continue to lift each other up and keep our eyes fixed on the Savior, who sees the heart, not the dress.