Wrestling Through the Night: Finding Your Name in the Covenant

Sometimes, the most profound encounters with the divine don't come in the bright lights of a temple or the structured setting of a missionary discussion. More often, they happen in the dark, when we are alone, when we are exhausted, and when we feel utterly undeserving.

If you’ve ever felt that deep ache of inadequacy—that feeling that you’ve messed up the covenant, that you’re not worthy of the promises whispered to your forebears—I know that feeling. It’s the feeling that precedes a true breakthrough.

I was recently studying the account of Jacob wrestling at the Jabbok. It struck me how much of our own discipleship feels like that night. We think we’re prepared, we think we’ve done the reading, we’ve memorized the key points for our missionary discussions, and we feel ready to face the field. But the real work, the work that changes the very essence of who we are, happens when we are wrestling with our own doubts, our own fears, and our own perceived shortcomings.

The Sacred Space of Wrestling

Jacob’s night was not a vision; it was a physical, exhausting struggle. He didn't just *think* about God; he wrestled *with* God. And what was the result? An injury, a physical mark, and a new name: Israel.

Think about that for a moment. God doesn't just show up and fix the problem; sometimes, He meets us in the messy, painful struggle. He asks questions—questions that force us to define ourselves, to articulate the promises we hold dear, and to acknowledge the grace we've been shown.

This is such vital preparation for anyone stepping into the field, whether you are preparing for your first mission, or if you are simply trying to be a better disciple in your own community. We learn to trust the process, even when the process feels like a wrestling match against our own limitations.

From Jacob to Us: A Lesson in Humility

Jacob’s humility is breathtaking. He begins by acknowledging his unworthiness: “I am not worthy of the least of all the Deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant.” That scripture—that recognition of the overwhelming nature of the Atonement—is the perfect posture for any disciple. It’s the antidote to pride, whether that pride comes from success or from perceived spiritual knowledge.

When we approach the Spirit, when we study the scriptures, or when we are preparing to share the gospel, we must remember that we are not selling a product; we are testifying of covenants. We are participating in the eternal work, and that requires us to be perpetually humbled.

If you are feeling the weight of the work, if you feel like you’ve been wrestling with a difficult doctrine or a challenging personal revelation, I encourage you to remember Jacob. Don't try to solve it all in your own strength. Stay in the struggle, and allow the Lord to bless you with a new perspective, a new name, or at least, a new strength to carry you through.

Where to Continue This Study

The scriptures are filled with these moments of transformation. If you want to dig deeper into covenant keeping, I highly recommend revisiting the teachings on covenant keeping. For a wonderful, practical way to apply these principles, check out the latest Book Club discussion in HolyPlaces. We are discussing how to make our discipleship visible in our daily lives.

And remember, we are all called to be internet missionaries, disciples anywhere, all the time. Don't wait for the next transfer or the next assignment to feel like you are doing the work.

If you want to walk through a tough question an investigator might ask—say, about the nature of the Atonement—I’d love for you to bring it to Davee. He’s ready to walk you through the role of the AI Investigator and help you craft a thoughtful, Spirit-filled answer. Let’s keep these conversations going!

Stay diligent, brothers and sisters. The Lord is at work in you.